Days off don't exist

The weather was perfect - scattered clouds, calm winds with temperatures in the mid 70s.

A perfect fall day. We were about 5 miles from the outer marker, exhausted from a 9 hour flight from Paris. The runway and our cars in the parking lot were only a few miles ahead of us and the end of our trip was just a few short checklists away.

"Flaps 5", I called. It was time to slow the 757 down to get it ready for landing speed. As the aircraft slowed to approach speed, I called for Flaps 20, Gear down and the landing check list.

No matter how many times we've flown these aircraft, a checklist is key. Fatigued shows its ugly face in many different ways and we didn't want to forget anything.

"Flaps 30, set final approach speed." With the aircraft perfectly configured, in light wind, it as almost like the 200,000 pound piece of metal flew itself to the ground.

*thump* as the main wheel touched the ground. Thrust reversers deployed. The aircraft was slowing down to taxi speed.

Mission accomplished. Time to head home for a few well deserved days off. Or so I thought.

Upon arriving at the gate and ensuring all checklists were l complete I checked my cell phone and saw a voice mail.

"First Officer, we had another crew member who called in sick and tomorrow you'll be flying to Austin for an overnight."

What? But tomorrow is my day off! What's my contract say again?

Not finding much help there I called back the scheduler. Turns out I'm stuck doing this assignment.

Not one to waste time, I ordered a hotel room. Whenever you're at an airport it is best to order a room as soon as possible. Once weather moves through all those rooms will be booked and you'll be sleeping in the terminal .

After dinner, I was ready to head to bed to face my two days off working to keep the airline going. For all you aspiring pilots reading this, realize that while flying airplanes is a great job, having your days off taken away from you is a pain in the butt.

I was planning on having a BBQ!

Delays from a pilot perspective

We've all been there. It's either on the flight information screen flashing "DELAYED" or a gate agent, "Ladies and Gentlemen, we are sorry to inform you your fight has been delayed."

But what's the real deal? Is it weather, aircraft maintenance or something more?

Last week I had to deal with an event that was in the "something more" category.

Originally scheduled to fly to a European city (name changed to protect the innocent), the weather turned nasty about an hour before our departure. And by nasty, I mean I think I saw the house from The Wizard of Oz. Thunderstorms, a bow echo and sideways rain.

Of course, the gate agents only said it would be a short delay. Being near the gate I had to hide my laughter or else a passenger might have seen me!

Airline pilots are governed by FAA rules that limit how much time we can spend on duty. If we didn't have rules the company would push us to the limits of complete exhaustion, which would severely decrease safety. Knowing this, the FAA has set a minimum standard of time on duty.

About 3 hours into our delay I knew we were going to approach and bust through this limit. I had a sneaking suspicion the flight was going to be canceled.

Operations, or the airline people at the airport who try to make decisions, decided to board the flight even though they knew were were approaching this FAA limit and we weren't going to be able to push back for another couple hours.

It was all good...for the first 45 minutes on board. After that, people started asking questions. Of course I already knew we busted past our "duty day", as it's called, and was packing up my stuff to head home.

From what I learned, from friends at the airport who were working later flights, the aircraft didn't actually de-plane (what we call getting off the airplane, in airline-speak) until about 2 hours later. Operations thought they'd be able to get another set of pilots to the plane, which of course never happened due to low staffing levels.

So the next time you're delayed due to weather, look up front to the cockpit - your pilots may be already at home!

Domestic Bliss?

If you've been reading this blog, and I thank you if you do, you've noticed a recurring theme in my flying: Europe.

Well, this month I flew a domestic trip, a simple two day consisting of a flight to Orlando and back. Yes, it wasn't worth much flight pay but it was nice to not fly on the backside of the clock.

As we were flying down the east coast of the United States, the ride wasn't cooperating and was turbulent for the majority of the flight.

I always like flight attendants who think they are pilots.

*DING*, rang the cabin interphone. It was Rebecca, our lead flight attendant.

In a rather rude tone of voice, "Are you going to do anything about these bumps or are you just going to sit there?"

Never mind the fact we've changed altitudes 3 times, from 32,000 feet all the way up to 40,000 - the ride just sucked. You can't please everyone.

An unfortunate fact of life of flying over the U.S. is thunderstorms. Both the captain and I saw a few boomers in the distance and turned on our weather radar. On the display we saw a few storms that we would need to deviate around, but nothing serious.When you're moving 500 MPH, a deviation of 100 miles doesn't take too long.

Maybe we should have flown through them to really piss of our lead flight attendant. Ah, but I don't want to spill my coffee.

The airplane was humming along at 40,000 feet and the sun was slowly setting to the west. To the south and east I could occasionally see a flash of lighting dancing through the clouds. It was really a wonderful sight and the best part of all was the chatter of Air Traffic Control in my ear - domestically we are under their control for the whole flight.

Approaching Orlando, we started our descent 200 miles from the field to cross the CWLRD intersection at 15,000 feet, which ensures we are at a proper altitude so that Orlando approach can vector us in their airspace.

I'm always amazed when I fly over Orlando. There must be thousands of different lakes around here. It really brings home how close they are to sea level.

After crossing that fix at 15,000 feet, we were cleared to 3,000 feet and to intercept the final approach course for runway 18L. I guess they weren't very busy this late in the evening.

"Flaps 1," I called.

Extending the flaps, or for those of you looking out the window, the surfaces of the wing that move during takeoff and landing, allow the plane to fly at a slower speed. It literally changes the shape of the wing which changes the aerodynamic properties of it.

Turning on to the localizer, or the final approach course, I slowed the aircraft to 180 knots and call for flaps 15.

"Glide slope captured," the captain said as the aircraft started its gentle descent towards the runway. Descending at about 500 feet per minute, we were quickly closing in on the ground.

"Flaps 20, gear down, landing checklist," I called as the aircraft was descending below 2,000 feet above the ground.

With the flaps selected to 30, the checklist complete, cleared to land and everything else looking good, I disconnected the autopilot and decided to hand fly it to the runway.

No matter if it's a Cessna 152 or a Boeing 757, an airplane wants to be flown.

Easing back the power just a touch I slowed the aircraft to our landing reference speed, today being 132 knots, as we were descending below 1,000 feet. Cars and buildings were zooming by as I kept of concentration on the runway center line.

Crossing the end of the runway at 50 feet, on speed and on glide slope, I slowly reduced the throttle until it was in the idle position. Gently pulling back on the yoke to slow our descent I held it off until the main wheels kissed the runway and the spoilers extended.

I say kissed the runway. It may have been a bouncy landing but in my mind they're all good.

As we cleared the runway I did the after landing checklist, which includes resetting everything for the next flight, including bringing the flaps up, stowing the spoilers and turning on the APU.

With the parking brake set it was time to head to the hotel. That night we would not be inviting Rebecca to dinner. No worries though - she was probably going cat hunting on that overnight so she could add to her collection.

¿Se hablas English?

Flying often produces challenges that must be overcome, including engine trouble, navigation errors, mountains you could fly into, flux capacitor problems, puking passengers, a flight attendant with the clap, chief pilots, crew schedulers, crappy schedules or even a lack of a schedule due to a lay off.

But nothing compares to air traffic controllers south of the border.

I flew a red eye from Peru and had an interesting experience. They say English is the standardized language of aviation, but for some of these controllers it isn't even their second language.

We took off from Lima and proceeded north on our assigned route. As we passed about 200 miles north of the airport we were handed off to a controller that required us to give position reports, since this area was non-radar. Picture controllers moving plastic airplanes across a table with a big map on it, like a quintessential World War Two movie.

Everything usually goes OK, unless there is something non-standard. 

Due to a volcano erupting near Bogota, traffic was rerouted to avoid the ash.

In my best Spanish accent:

CONTROLLER: "Ahhh...we need you once 360 degrees at ATIPI"

What did she say?

ME: "Confirm, one 360 degree turn at ATIPI"

CONTROLLER: "No, need once 360 at ATIPI"

Now ATIPI I understood. It was a fix that was on our flight plan. But need once 360? Didn't I just repeat that?

CONTROLLER: "Do you understand?

I think so. One 360 degree turn at the fix ATIPI.

Turns out that wasn't correct. After about 5 minutes of trying to figure out what she wanted, a Copa airlines flight, in better English, told us she wanted us to hold at ATIPI....After she relayed to him in Spanish.

Crisis averted.

A notable accident was caused due to improper English. 

In 1989, Flying Tigers Flight 66 (they were bought by FedEx) was given a clearance, that due confusion, led to disaster. The flight, on approach, was given the following clearance:

"Tiger 66, descend two four zero zero. Cleared for NDB approach runway three three."

What do you think this means? "Descend to 400" or "descend 2,400?" The crew thought he said "Descend to 400" and unfortunately they thought wrong.

As we headed north, we talked to a few more controllers.

The Panamanians are great to understand. I suppose that is the influence the United States placed on it through all our dealings with the Panama Canal.

Jamaican controllers? Ever talked to someone who was high? Ya mon.

I've just got back from a red eye and it's time for a beer and a few rounds of Battlefield 3. No matter what language you speak, getting your ass handed to you by a 12 year old in an online computer game needs no translation.

When The Shit Hits the Lav

Position Report: Flight Level 390. Somewhere over the Atlantic. Things are about to get shitty.

Starting out it was a pretty good day in Paris. Light winds, overcast skies but the temperature was tolerable. We pushed 5 minutes early for our flight back to the United States and we were all anxious to get back home.

Coasting out over the Atlantic we said our goodbyes to Shannon Control and settled in for our 4 hour crossing.

*Ding*

The cabin interphone rang and I thought perhaps my dinner was ready. Or was it lunch. I'm not sure but the sun is up and I'm tired. Whatever, it'll do.

"Hey guys? We have a write up," says our Lead Flight Attendant Roger.

Usually it's a broken coffee maker, a young kid pukes on his seat...the usual. But it's not my lunch.

"Yeah, what is it?," I say.

Word for word: "You're not going to fucking believe this. Some asshole shit in the sink of the lav. What the fuck am I supposed to do?"

What? You mean my chicken isn't ready?

OK, no matter how hard we try there isn't a checklist for "Asshole Shits in Sink" although we did look. The best we could come up with is "Biological Hazard" but is seems the writers of that checklist were planning on Al Qaeda using the latest Breast Implant Explosive (BIE), not Steaming Pile in Lav (SPL).

So what are we to do?

Combining our combined 50 years of aviation knowledge we came up with the best solution: we placarded the lav inop and continued on to our destination. 

Yes, this really happened.

For all of you who don't wear shoes to the lav but rather your socks, because it's so inconvenient to put your shoes on, let this be a lesson.

Sometimes flying is a shitty experience. Literally.

ETOPS: What Is It and How Can It Save Your Life?

During our preflight preparation for our flight to Ireland last week we did all the usual routines, including check the flight plan to ensure we had the proper fuel, look at the crew manifest to figure out who we were flying with, and check the weather. Checking the weather consists of making sure our destination and alternates are at or above their weather minimums. When flying across the Atlantic in ETOPS airspace we need to make sure our diversions are proper and safe.  

What is ETOPS?

ETOPS stands for Extended-range Twin-engine Operations. What does this mean? Basically any two-engine aircraft operating for an airline must be within 60 minutes of the nearest suitable airport with one engine inoperative.  

What if you have more than two engines?

If you have more than two engines, say a Boeing 747 or MD-11 you can operate without regard to that rule. With those aircraft you can fly the most direct route, even if it's far away from a suitable airport. The logic is you have multiple engines that can fail before you're in trouble.  

OK, but there aren't many three-engine airplanes out there

On your next flight across the wide ocean take a look outside and you'll probably notice you only have two engines, one on each side. The airlines, wanting to use more fuel efficient aircraft, use a large percentage of twin jet aircraft on their routes, including oceanic routes. The FAA, along with aircraft manufactures and airlines, realized this trend and came up with a solution. With the reliability of aircraft engines increasing and better training and maintenance on the part of the airlines, the FAA came out with ETOPS.

Currently, with two engines airplanes, we can fly either 120 minutes or 180 minutes, single engine, from the nearest suitable airport. Those times depend on how your flight is planned and what fuel is required. Usually our ETOPS diversion airports are either in Iceland, Canada or the Azores, which keep us well within the 120 or 180 minutes required. And not all airlines are allowed to do this; indeed, you must be approved by the FAA before conducting ETOPS operations.

So the next time you're flying across the ocean and see only two engines, rest assured there is a plan in place to safely get you to your destination or an alternate if the situation arises.

What do you look for in a CFI?

During the course of my travels I often think back to what I had to do to get in my current seat. Flying across the Atlantic to destinations far and wide wasn't my first flying job, and it may not be my last. I've had the opportunity to fly all kinds of aircraft - from small Cessnas to large Boeings.

I also instructed for about 2,000 hours.

While some pilots have instructed more, others less, one thing is a common denominator - some instructors are great while others barely make the grade! I haven't personally instructed in many years but I still keep my CFI current in case I need it again; indeed, it's a lot easier to keep it current than it is to get the rating again!

Many pilots at my airline who work in the training department keep their CFIs current as well. For those pilots who like to teach I think it is a natural gravitation to end up in the training department of an airline. After all, an airplane is an airplane and the student's learning is influenced mostly by their instructor's ability to convey key learning points (and the student showing up prepared).

For those of you learning to fly, or perhaps you seasoned pilots out there who only get your biennial flight review, what is it that you look for in an instructor?